For a long time now, I have wanted to write a blog post on communication. I feel like the last 15 months has taught me the good, the bad, and the ugly about this very important topic. So, in a nut shell, here are the greatest things I can share about what I've learned:
1. Email Exchange - It is not helpful to send negative thoughts or feelings through email. If you would like to confront someone or provide valuable critiquing of character, ask for a phone date or time in person. It's so easy to misinterrupt people's words or intentions since you can't hear their true tone of voice. I do acknowledge that some point are great emailers, but I have seen this mode of communication fail more times then succeeding when trying to address difficult issues.
2. Code Words or Code Phrases - It's great to create "code words" with family, friends or spouses. I find that I am more open to critique when I know that's the direction of the conversation from the start. Here are some examples that Yoni and I use:
"May I Make A Request?" = I would like you to consider changing _____
"It's one of my buttons" = I'm sorry for being so emotional about ___ issue, it just really gets to me more then other things
3. Sympathy or Solution - I think we've all heard it said that men like to give solutions to problems and women only want to sympathy. I would beg to differ or at least say that it depends upon the couple. Personally, I love to find solutions to problems and in doing this can miss my husband's need for just venting. Thus, it's really good to first ask - "Do you want sympathy or a solution?"
4. Confrontation is not always bad - I use to hate confrontation and would do anything to avoid it at all cost. Thus, I became the Peace Keeper, which ended up spoiling my insides at times. The bottom line is, it's healthy for people to know when they or you are causing problems and how this affects life. There are some great ways to nicely confront people. If you are interested in knowing more about this topic, just write me an email and I will explain more. I still don't like having issues with people, but I even more, I don't like "the white elephant in the room."
5. Don't expect the unexpected - I've realized more and more that people can receive information in one manner and give out communication in another manner. Thus, it can be tempting to expect the same form of communication for both actions. In addition, it's VERY important to remember that my friends don't communicate JUST LIKE ME because they are simply my friends. For this reason, I cannot expect them to tell me how they are feeling just because this what I do with them.
6. Stay friendly even when there's been a fight -
1. Email Exchange - It is not helpful to send negative thoughts or feelings through email. If you would like to confront someone or provide valuable critiquing of character, ask for a phone date or time in person. It's so easy to misinterrupt people's words or intentions since you can't hear their true tone of voice. I do acknowledge that some point are great emailers, but I have seen this mode of communication fail more times then succeeding when trying to address difficult issues.
2. Code Words or Code Phrases - It's great to create "code words" with family, friends or spouses. I find that I am more open to critique when I know that's the direction of the conversation from the start. Here are some examples that Yoni and I use:
"May I Make A Request?" = I would like you to consider changing _____
"It's one of my buttons" = I'm sorry for being so emotional about ___ issue, it just really gets to me more then other things
3. Sympathy or Solution - I think we've all heard it said that men like to give solutions to problems and women only want to sympathy. I would beg to differ or at least say that it depends upon the couple. Personally, I love to find solutions to problems and in doing this can miss my husband's need for just venting. Thus, it's really good to first ask - "Do you want sympathy or a solution?"
4. Confrontation is not always bad - I use to hate confrontation and would do anything to avoid it at all cost. Thus, I became the Peace Keeper, which ended up spoiling my insides at times. The bottom line is, it's healthy for people to know when they or you are causing problems and how this affects life. There are some great ways to nicely confront people. If you are interested in knowing more about this topic, just write me an email and I will explain more. I still don't like having issues with people, but I even more, I don't like "the white elephant in the room."
5. Don't expect the unexpected - I've realized more and more that people can receive information in one manner and give out communication in another manner. Thus, it can be tempting to expect the same form of communication for both actions. In addition, it's VERY important to remember that my friends don't communicate JUST LIKE ME because they are simply my friends. For this reason, I cannot expect them to tell me how they are feeling just because this what I do with them.
6. Stay friendly even when there's been a fight -
