To know

Dear God,

I want to know you more...

If that means to hear you then I want to understand...
If that means to feel you then I want to touch...
If that means to smell you then I want to take in your fragrance...
If that means to see you then I don't want to blink...
If that means to taste you then I don't want to lick my lips for fear of loosing you.

I'm good at talking, not so good at listening, but am desiring to find my balance in you. Help my senses to know your prescience. For you are so good to me and I only desire to make you smile.

Your loving daughter

Confidence & Gratitude

Today, I am reflecting on God answering my prayers. Here's why -

Confidence - This past Monday was my second time volunteering at Tipat Chalev. In my last post, I mentioned that I was super nervous about this new opportunity due to being afraid of failing. I am happy to report that I have not failed...made mistakes - YES - but failing - NO! The three nurses who work on Mondays with me are so incredibly nice. They constantly ask if I have eaten and if I would like a cup of coffee and/or tea. I am now fully convinced that feeding people is part of Jewish DNA. We may have the world fighting against us, but have no fear, we WILL feed our own people come rain or shine.  :-) I'm really clicking with one particular nurse, who asks me how my previous week was and what I did. It's not only nice to feel that she has an interest, but it's a GREAT way to practice my Hebrew speaking skills. I was already thinking that I hope this bond continues to the extent that I can invite her out sometime - maybe go shopping or grab a bite to eat...whatever. It's nice to have friends from all different places. Also, I am able to accomplish my assignment well, as each week I am recording, by hand, the names and details of patients from old files. I feel like a detective trying to piece together who these past moms were and where they could be now after so many years. It's also really interesting to see the different names. Lastly, one thing that really struck me was that on the inside of each patient's file, there is this question - Which country did you make aliyah from? There are really so many immigrants in our country that this has become a standard question. For some reason, this made me feel good. Yes, my confidence has grown, which leads me to...

Gratitude - Early this evening, I was catching up with my husband about the events of today. I was sharing with him about the wonderful time I had with a girlfriend. She made homemade waffles including sprinkling confection sugar on top. I brought grapes, cheese and maple sugar to add to our feast. When I arrived, this friend had already set the table so elegantly and lit a candle. You see, it's the little things - the details of a beautiful arrangement that make a room so inviting! We had such a sweet afternoon, as we ate slowly, talked a lot and enjoyed one another's company. I have been praying for girlfriends ever since moving to Israel - already 1.5 years ago! I was introduced to many guys thanks to my husband, but girls have been a slower process. I am so thankful for some really great girlfriends - both here and in the U.S. Another close friends of mine in the US, calls me on her way to work every Wednesday. She has about a 45 minute drive, so it's a great time to catch up (I believe she uses blue-tooth or car-intercom for safety...no hand holding). I love this weekly gab, as she is like a sister to me and the fact that she makes time to still grow our relationship is priceless. Yes, my gratitude has grown too, which leads me to...

Recognizing how God does both HEAR and ANSWER my prayers in His perfect way and timing. Baruch HaShem!

Summer Update

It's time for an update!

In trying to describe how I am feeling about life, I can't help but think of those wrestling matches on TV. I know it's funny and odd for a girl like me to say such things, but stick with me and you'll see what I'm talking about.

In wrestling, there are some matches that are a 2 person team vs. another 2 person team. Usually in the match, there is only 1 person from each team inside the ring at a time. For team members to switch off, they run to their assigned corner and tag their other team member; thus signaling that it's the other person's turn. This is exactly how I feel. I feel like my "Spring/Summer Season Self" has been in the ring and is about to tag my "Fall Season Self." I can feel the seasons changing and with that the activities that I am involved in, as I inch forward in trying to settle myself even more into Israeli society.

For the past 3 months, I had been volunteering at a children's welfare center in a neighboring town. This experience has helped me so much to gain inner confidence regarding speaking and functioning in Hebrew. I noticed by the end that I desired something a bit more challenging and a change from the current target group (toddlers - AHH!). For a long time, I have been desiring to volunteer and/or work in a Tipat Chalav (Well Baby Clinic) center. I'm excited to share that starting next week, I will be going in every Monday to volunteer at our local clinic! For those of you that are not familiar with Tipat Chalav, here is link that has a good description: http://www.nbn.org.il/aliyahpedia/healthcare/595-tipat-chalav-well-baby-clinics.html

I feel like this new volunteer position actually combines several things - my personal interest in Mother/Baby Health, my University Degree in Public Health and my continuing efforts to understand Israeli society. The one slightly disappointing factor about this position is that the Ministry of Health will only allow me to do clerical work as a Volunteer even though I do have a degree in this field. I am hoping that the local nurses, who all seem VERY nice, will allow me some leeway in time. I already know that my first task will be going through the patient files and recording data in order to build an electronic database. This will require me to sharpen my Hebrew reading and writing skills, which is good!

Overall, I am VERY excited about this opportunity and also VERY VERY nervous. I'm afraid to fail. That's the honest truth. I'm scared that this position is over my head and that my Hebrew skills are just not quite at the level that I can accomplish even this simple clerical task. This realization is hard for my type of personality, as I'm a goal-oriented, success focus, high achieving type of girl. My husband has learned the beauty of my to-do lists and enjoys seeing me cross items off these never-ending lists. What a patient man he is :-)

In addition to starting this Volunteer position, I am also going to enroll in another ulpan,which will start in mid October after the High Holidays. This ulpan should be REALLY helpful for me, as it focuses on reading articles and advancing the basic Hebrew skills that students possess. It's like a Level 2 course and even better is that it's in the town next to me. This will be the closest ulpan I've attended thus far! Yea!

So, my new schedule will be continuing to work part-time for Avishalom, Volunteer once a week at Tipat Chalav and take ulpan (this fall) two days a week. I believe overall this is a healthy step for my development and well rounded regarding my interest. I'm also hoping that the dance aerobic class that I took earlier this Spring/Summer will start back up and then I'll add that to the schedule. Oh and how will I travel to all these places, BY CAR BECAUSE I GOT MY DRIVER'S LICENSE!!! WOO-HOO!!!!!!!!!! Yes, Folks, I actually passed the test thanks to Sharon, my Instructor, and received my Israeli license! This is a real miracle and I feel like Queen of the Castle for accomplishing such task!

Lastly, another big change in our household will be my husband's return to school full-time this October. I could not be more happy about this change, as I think this program is an incredible experience and perfect for his interest. I'm excited to be on this journey with him and see which doors God opens for us.

Well, that's a quick summary and I hope to be more regular in keeping up my blog.  

Driving Lesson #2

Today, I had my 2nd driving lesson with Sharon. Again, I am amazed about many things. This time, our major focus was on me driving to the "DMV" of our area to turn in my application for an Israeli license. All drivers have to fill out a particular application, which involves going to an eye doctor and a family doctor to certify that one is healthy enough to drive. I think this is a fair request; although most practitioners don't take it all that seriously. The road to the "DMV Office" was one that I had never driven on and is a local 2 lane highway. Naturally, I was very nervous about this prospect. In addition, there were two ladies in the backseat - both Arabs. Again, very interesting, as my Jewish Israeli Driving Instructor is helping these Israeli Arabs obtain their licenses - see we do work together sometimes!

Thankfully, my application and supplementary paperwork (record showing American driving history) was accepted. One never knows in Israel how bureaucratic procedures will transpire, as the simplest thing can turn into a nightmare in a matter of seconds. Funny enough, the clerk reviewing my paperwork was  talking on the phone while looking things up in the computer and stamping my document, all at the sometime. THIS IS ISRAEL! haha

On the way home, I drove around our town a little bit more before Sharon directed me to a certain neighborhood. We then switched cars, as we dropped his work car off at his home and then picked up his personal car. At this point, Sharon took the driving seat and proceeded to drop me off close to my home. It was really cute because in the 5 minutes we were driving together, he shared with me about his daughter, who evidently is around my age and plays volleyball for an university in New Haven, Connecticut. Sharon said that it's been about 4 years since she's been back and how much he misses his daughter. Such a Jewish Papa!

Overall, my lesson went very well. I still need to work on some minor things in order to pass the test. Really, all of this is in effort to learn how to pass the test since I already know "how-to" drive. I believe in a matter of just a few weeks, I could be the proud owner of a new Israeli Driving License (for automatic cars only) :-)

I really want to share that this experience has helped boost my confidence in speaking Hebrew and interacting with the "outside" world. I speak mostly (about 80-90%) in Hebrew to Sharon. Last week, I went to the local hair salon and again conducted business in Hebrew. Both of these actions are without Yonatan by my side. Naturally, I prefer to have Yoni around, but these experiences have shown me that I CAN do things without him using the Hebrew that I know. I've always know this fact, but it's nice to see it play out sometimes. I've also begun to realize that throwing in some English words when I don't know something is not a sin. haha. In the past, I have felt really bad when I had to revert to English, as if I had failed. More recently, I have realized that it's really okay because I'm learning and this is what we do. Israelis love speaking English anyways.

So, today, I'm living on the mountaintop and enjoying the view. I'm starting to see that I do have a future in this Hebrew-speaking environment. This has always been my heart's desire - to speak, read and write Hebrew fluently. I'm slowly inching my way toward this goal and have re-adjusted expectations and time lines. A very good move, if I do say so!

Perhaps, one day I may even write a blog in Hebrew - you just never know :-)

Driving Lesson #1

I could jump for joy right now, as I finished my first driving lesson with my Israeli Instructor, Sharon (pronounced - Sh-ron). I was so nervous this morning and then on top of everything, Sharon calls me at 8:50am to see if we could change our 10am meeting to 9:00am. AHHH! I settled for 9:30am seeing that I was not ready in the least bit. So, I quickly got myself together and ran out the door at 9:30.

I found Sharon parked in his red car - looked like a Ford Taurus, but no sure ... right outside our driveway. In Israel, you learn on the Driving Instructor's car, which has a big advertising cone on top with the Hebrew letter, Lamed (ל) to show that someone is learning. This REALLY helps, as everyone else on the road has just the slightest bit more patience with those learning how to drive or taking their driving test.

When I got in the car, Sharon was very nice and told me right away that we could start. There was another guy in the backseat, who I found out later was taking his test right after me. I quickly adjusted all the mirrors, my seat and put on my prescription sunglasses because it's so bright in Israel right now due to summertime.

We spent the majority of the time going around the neighborhoods in my town and those around me. At the end, Sharon had me drive up to the Industrial Area where there is a Navy Technical School. I was the most nervous on this part of our journey, as I had not really drove in this area with Yonatan when we would practice. This area is also on the way to downtown Haifa, so for a split second, I thought we might be going into the downtown part. That would have been a nightmare for sure!

At the end, Sharon said to me, "You know how to drive. You just need to learn the signs more." I was happy that he felt comfortable with my driving skills. He then explained to me for the second time where to go to get the medical form that I need to turn into the Department of Transportation. In Israel, one must have their eyes checked as well as a simple exam with one's family doctor as part of the driving process. After I have these things, Sharon wants me to call him again and we'll go for another 1-2 lessons before he sets me up to take the exam.

Here are things I found funny about my experience today:

• When I get in the car, the air is blowing, the radio is on full blast and Sharon is making phone calls while I'm starting to drive
• During my first few minutes in the car, Sharon is explaining to me where I must go to get the medical forms. He is showing me an example form, while I am suppose to be driving.
• About 15 minutes into driving, he directs me to the Police Station. Evidently, behind this station, there is place for driving instructors to meet. Sharon tells me to park while he gets out the car and talks with other guys for about 10 minutes. I have no idea what's going on. I ask the guy in the backseat, in Hebrew, why we are here, but he too doesn't know. Grrrr
• Once, Sharon put on his breaks (he has a break pedal on his side) to stop me, as he was making a point that you must come to a full stop or I will fail. Okay, got the point!
• The FUNNIEST OF ALL - At the end of my session, we park in the parking lot of the technical school. Another Driving Instructor comes up with his student in this MASSIVE TRUCK - like the type that pulls other large objects behind it. Sharon then tells me that we are going to switch cars, so that the other guy in our car can take the driving test in Sharon's car with this new Driving Instructor. Thus, I go with Sharon into this MASSIVE TRUCK - I had to take two steps just to get inside. THEN, Sharon has a hard time driving this beast since it's a stick shift. It was a crazy ride back!

There you go folks. My first driving lesson experience in Israel. Let's the process begin!

Random Ramble

I feel bad that I'm always apologizing for being a blog slacker, so I'm just going to quit feeling bad ;-) (notice, I did not say that I would quit apologizing)

I don't have a real topic that I feel burden to discuss, so I'll just share some of my latest random thoughts:

- It's amazing how many kings in ancient day Israel started off so good "in the eyes of God" and then messed everything up at the end of their life

-I think the Disciples were extra ambitious to share their message because they really thought that have found THE SOLUTION. I imagine, it must have been a "light bulb moment" once they realized how Yeshua's words could transform a person's life, attitude and dreams. 

-I am about to convert my American Driver's license into an Israeli Driver's license, so I can LEGALLY drive. I'm not really aching to drive more per-se, just to drive legally instead of my current illegal practicing. I'm definitely nervous about the whole situation, but I have faith to overcome what feels like a big hurdle. I think the thing that's most annoying is that I use to be a fearless driver just a few years ago. The year before I moved to Israel, I worked for a company that was about an hour away from my house. This job required me to drive on big highways for quite some distance. I ended up having a fear of driving because I thought that I was going to have a panic attack on the road. Before this job, I was driving in places I had never been before with rental cars when leading youth retreats around the country. It's amazing in a sad way how one year really messed with my head and heart. Now, I fight the fear of having a panic attack. I know that I must overcome this to declare victory for my heart. I have been practicing and am feeling more comfortable around our area. In addition, I bought new prescription glasses and sunglasses. Both pairs are great! So, tomorrow is the big day, as I will have my first lesson with Sharon, my Israeli Driving Instructor. Should be interesting...

-I've decided to try a new hair salon instead of returning to Zohar. The guy makes me feel more uncomfortable then comfortable, so I decided his talent was not worth it. I'm hoping to try a salon right across from our place. It looks like a fancy place, so hopefully their decor matches their talent...we shall see. I need to first ask if they have someone that speaks English, as my Hebrew is not good enough to describe exactly what I want with my hair. I guess I could use lots of hand motions and say, "Like this!" haha. Perhaps, I'll have another story to go with my next salon trial.

-Learning Hebrew continues to be my biggest challenge. It's filled with many ups and downs and these can be in the same day. I look forward to the time when I feel more at ease because I do have faith to know it will come.

-There are instances when I think back and wish people in my life had acted differently. I feel so hurt by what they said or did, especially when I see them treat others in the opposite manner. I realized this morning that I must choose to move past this attitude of comparison or I will always live with a bitter edge. It's not good and it doesn't change things. I must seek better fruit then this!

-Lastly, why is it that people who want to be married have difficulty finding a mate and those that don't care so much get married young, and people who want to have children have difficulty and then there are those who get pregnant after a one night stand...why must those who "do things right" endure more? Perhaps, we can handle more? Perhaps, we can show more? Perhaps, it's just part of God's plan to make us all a little more dependent on Him.

These are my rambling thoughts for today....

Pulling the Past to the Present

I feel like so much has happened since my last post and while I'd love to share all the details, tonight, I will just share one thought.

About a month ago, the YMJA Israel Team arrived. As you may recall, I wrote about our time with them here in the Haifa area. That weekend left me feeling a mix of emotions. As the weekends moved forward, I felt like I was able to process my emotional thoughts in small bits, which led me to some good internal conclusions. Today, I feel like a new "dimension" to those emotions has errupted again. Why? All because of Facebook!

The YMJA Team just returned to their respective hometowns and many of the team members have posted hundreds of photos, capturing all the incredible moments of their time. It's insane that I'm glued to these photos and looking through hundreds over several hours. Why? Because I remember my own experience. It was the trip that changed my life and led me to my current permanent spot, as an Israeli citizen!

So, here were the emotions that came from such photographic viewings:

The Good: "Awhh, yes, I remember doing __________. They look like they are having such a blast! Wow, I have to go there sometime! We took some of those exact same poses! Hehe, they look so funny!" etc....

The Bad: "Where did time go? How has 9 years passed since our own trip? I really miss our trip and wish I could go back in time to do some things again. Why can't I go on a tour? I wish I could have spent more time with the people on this trip. Why has time passed so quickly?!" etc...

The Result: Time is precious. I need to appreciate people, places and events more. I love all the things in my present day life and feel like I waited a life time to get here, but now that I'm here, it's like I'm dreaming of the next step. Seeing the group's pictures has reminded me to WAIT, SLOW DOWN, and STOP to enjoy the moment. I can't go backwards, only forwards. Turning 30 seems so close and that scares me a tad. Life is fragile, precious and moves quickly. In seeing the group, I saw myself, and this was a good reflection of time.

Speaking of time, Shabbat is coming and my former Rabbi use to say, "Shabbat is like an island in time." I like that! Shabbat Shalom!